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Many people ask me, "How did you become a Dating Coach?"
From what I read, many Dating Coaches and Seduction Gurus become "experts" because they once were shy, ignored or had problems approaching and attracting the opposite sex. Others became "experts" because they found love after only one "trial and error" and have been married for many years. And others because they want to help their fellow men or women "beat" the opposite sex at their own game.
I became a Dating Coach because I love men and I am (and always have been) damn good with the opposite sex (excuse me for blowing my own horn, but it is the truth).
For many years, I was what Dr. Herb Goldberg calls the "Magic Lady" - the woman who causes men to behave in ways they had never dreamed they would and do things they'd ordinarily never would.
Although I am an attractive woman in every sense of the word (not the Playmate of the year type of attractive), looks wasn't what earned me the "Magic Woman" aura.
When I was with a guy, (my preference was the smart, charming, athletic, spontaneous, very sexual, wild at heart, spiritual, very assertive but also very sensitive, quiet with laid - back confidence kind of guys), I was this incredible woman who really knows how to love him - adoring but unneeding, loving but independent, sexual but without all the female pressures on him for commitment or the proving for anything. Every one of these men told me what was "difficult" with other women seemed so easy with me. They felt so emotionally connected to me like I knew their very soul. They could be themselves around me, say what they want and feel without monitoring their language or thoughts because they felt that I truly understood them and loved them for who they were. No demands, no expectations, no shoulds, no jealousies, no silly hide-and-seek dating games, no hang-ups and no fears of the future (so it seemed).
I was his dream woman: a successful professional, "dangerously" flirtatious, sex-positive, full of life, upfront, down to earth, understanding, affectionate, spontaneous, playful, adventurous, and authentic and honest with my feelings, needs and desires. A spiritual woman with a good heart, always there for others. And when I was in love, no woman loved like I did. I gave a man my heart, my love and my total trust. I held nothing back. In return the men wanted to be there for me, love me, protect me and give me everything I wanted, though I never asked for anything. I never had any of "he doesn't spend enough time with me" because the guys would do anything to get to where I was even if it was for a day - including sleeping in airports waiting for a connecting flight. And I would be there at the "arrivals" terminal just the way they'd fantasized it.
Everything was "great" until he began talking about commitment and "the future." Something inside me instantly disconnected. I still loved him and all that but I felt pressured, crowded, smothered, trapped and "wanted to be owned". I became distant instantly. The more distant I became the more desperate the men became. A couple of them started checking up on me behind my back, asking my friends and family and talking to anybody who knew me for "input" on where they stood. Sometimes they'd confront me wanting to know if there was someone else, if I still loved them, if I found such and such a man attractive, if I was for real etc. I answered with the same honesty and openness as before but disconnected. If he got angry, I never got angry back. If he became emotional and cried, I cried with him. If he wanted to talk about the "our future" I just kept quite or told him "let's take a day at a time". After begging and pleading with nothing working they'd give up and leave. When it looked like they were leaving I would turn around and beg them "not to leave me" only to lose interest again as soon as the relationship became serious. I would play this sick game until the man got tired and left - for good.
But even them, every now and then they'd call to see if I was alright (or if there was someone else). Sometimes we got back together only to break-up as before. With everyone of them a great friendship followed in which I became an "advisor" on women - and I even found a wife for one of them.
For many years I ran, I hid and I broke hearts, including my own. Whenever I was confronted about my behaviour by a family member or close friend I always laughed it of with "Why make one man happy when I can make many miserable". Unknown to me, my intended care-free humour was loaded with so much truth behind every word.
It was not until I came face to face with my "demons" that I recognized the game I was playing with myself.
I grew up feeling very much loved at home, at school and basically by everyone except for the one person I fantasized about, dreamed about, and thought about almost every waking moment of my young life - my biological father. Now grown up, I was unconsciously chasing after my biological father who I really never knew. A part of me sought out my father in the men I picked out (even looks and qualities) because that part of me wanted to make the men love me the way my father should have loved me. The child in me who felt abandoned by him made sure I could make the men want to be in my life (always and forever) because I wasn't able to make my father do it. That "inner child' wanted to show them what a loving caring person I had grown up to be because my father never got to meet that every parent's "dream child" turned every man "dream woman". My inner child also wanted to "punish" the men for (unlike my father) being too available. Basically "punish" them for messing up my sick game.
The more truth about myself I learned, the more determined I was to rescue myself from the behavior that was preventing me from manifesting a soulful, spiritually loving relationship. I threw myself into relearning the secrets of ancient erotic practices and courtship rituals so that I could use these secrets to refine my very active dating life. But it wasn't just my love life that needed a complete makeover, my whole life needed a makeover.
After much inner work, amazing things started happening in my life. At some point (I don't recall when), I must have become aligned to my life's purpose because men and women, young and old, friends and total strangers almost like instinctively would start telling me about their relationship problems. Sometimes it was "you seem like a really nice person, can I talk to you about something? Sometimes the conversation eased into relationship problems. And sometimes, I'd over hear a conversation and step in with some advice. At first I thought my ability to help others was a result of my many years of relationship problems. But as I continued my "healing and growth process", it became all crystal clear. It was my destiny.
My years of practice as a "Magic Woman" are not over. Now all that "power" is being channeled into more constructive use. Today I am in a committed relationship (still causing my man to behave in ways he'd never dreamed he would and driving him nuts he can't get enough of it) but even more, I am helping others reach deep down and find their own unique "power" to create a loving, fulfilling and exciting relationships.
I always say to my clients, if it happened to someone like me, it can happen to you! You just have to want it badly enough to do whatever it takes!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.